These days I have been pinned down by the pressure of comparison. 

I've lost sight of myself, 

because 

of the insecurity that I feel up next to others, as though

everyone else is so much better, prettier, smarter, more outgoing. 

I'm trapped in the lie that I am nothing compared to other people. 

Being an identical twin, you can only imagine the struggle that comes in regard to comparison.

It's the feeling that everyone likes the other better. 

Because I'm not adventurous enough, not as easy to talk to, not willing to do whatever. 

Because I'm different. 

And somehow I have gotten "different" mixed up with "not good enough." 

With blogging too, I constantly scroll through other blogger's Instagram feeds and automatically feel weighed down as I compare mine to theirs. 

And rather than taking into account that everyone is different, 

I'm hit with the blues, thinking I'll never be that good at this. 

For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? (Galatians 1:10)

 I even find myself comparing who I am with who I was.

Thinking, "man, I was so much more confident then. I could go out and talk to people just fine. Things were better. I was better. I was happier."

Maybe, though, our ideas of our past selves are different than how we actually were. 

We tend to think about the past in terms of good things, as if it was an easier time.

But in the moment, I was just as I am now. 

Life wasn't a field of roses then either. 

But I seem to have forgotten that, and so I have been striving to get back to that place, 

to who I once was,

when I felt more comfortable in my own skin. 

But maybe that's just the point of change.

Maybe we're not supposed to feel comfortable.

Because we're not meant to stay here, so why get too comfortable anyways?

And maybe I'll never go back to the way I was. 

But that can't stop me from moving forward

and becoming someone better.

I can only imagine how awfully sad God must feel, when He looks down and here we all are, wishing to be someone else. 

And He would ask us, "why are you so unhappy with yourself, when I made you, you?"

 He made me, knowing that I would grow up short, quiet, with a funny nose and scars on my face. 

But He doesn't pick us apart like we do to ourselves. 

He loves us despite our shortcomings. 

It is so much easier said than done, but we must put an end to the comparisons. 

I am me. Just me.

I am never going to be my sister, or that blogger, or the person I used to be.

Because that isn't me.

I'm Katlin.  

5'1, blondish, socially awkward and shy. 

But I'll open up if you give me a chance. 

Like any other human, I am complex and complicated and real.

And all I can do now is work on progressing and doing better

and trust in God, because He knew what He was doing when He made me.

Challenge: Quit dwelling on your flaws that you already know so well, and instead turn your focus to the better parts of you, working on being the best possible version of you. And remember, especially on the days when you find yourself wallowing in self-pity: God has proven that you are worth loving. You are no less than what He created you to be. His.

Psalm 139:14-16 

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. 

 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.