If you've been following the blog, you may have noticed that I have slipped up a bit and not posted anything for the week yet, in which I do apologize. Because I didn't have any content to put up, I just decided that since I updated the "about" page, I would post that and what it has inspired in me here for y'all to read!

To put things in all honesty here, I feel like I have had some sort of revelation recently. There was one night when I was driving home at a completely unreasonable hour after a night out with a friend. If you know me, you'll know that I absolutely do not stay out late or do anything really crazy haha. But this one particular night it was getting into the morning hours as I drove home, tired, sort of sad, listening to worship music. As I drove along, I was hit by this overwhelming presence of God, fully awakening my soul. It was just like I had been sleeping for so long, pressing snooze on the alarm clock that is my God, and that night He finally woke me up. My walls lowered to a crumbling pile, and I just remember the tears just coming down my face as I lifted my hands (safely as I drove) to the One who had gotten my attention. There was no fear. Just thankfulness. I felt Him and saw Him with me that night.

Fast forward to tonight. I've been hit by some raw, honest truth. Movies have always highly affected me, making me feel like the main character in the storyline after watching. Tonight I saw Before I Fall, and I still just can't get it out of my head. There was one instance when she said in the film, "I want to live each day worthy... I wanted it to mean something, and not just for me." That just keeps resonating with me. It's difficult to wrap my head around the fact that one day each of us will pass. This day, this moment, this life will be no more. And after seeing this film, no matter how annoying it was that she kept living the same day over and over again, I have this sense that it's okay. Rather than being afraid, I should just live each day as though it means something, and despite how cheesy it sounds, as though it is my last. Because we really never know when there will be a halting end to all of this.

What good is it to just get by, when what we're doing doesn't actually mean anything?
I want to live with God going directly before me, in all that I do, all that I say. In every action, reaction, word, expression, emotion. I'm just this human who fails so easily. I fall short in things that I do and even in how I love others. I shame even myself in how I am often so quick to react in a selfish manner. But starting now, I just want God to go before me and be the key factor in everything that comes out of me.

I want to live a life that matters. But most of all, as the song goes, the only thing I want in life is to be known for loving Christ. I pray it's said about my life, that I lived more to build Your name than mine.
(The Cause of Christ by Kari Jobe)