a happy blur: 2022

photos taken by mia carlson photography

the other day i couldn’t help but stop and think, “these are the days i’ve been praying for.”

♡

I post a lot of highlights, so much that many people have told me it looks like I’m thriving. But as much as that’s how I want to remember life - as a happy blur - there are a lot of things I don’t post.

This year has brought more tears than the highlights I post on here. It’s broken me down and taken away what I didn’t think I’d have to live without. It has been harder than I imagined it to be, but through it I have grown stronger, brighter, more resilient and more myself than I was before it.

There were days I sat in tears with next to nothing to my name, asking God to provide in some kind of way. Days when I didn’t think my business could even work out. Days I wanted to quit because I didn’t know if what I was doing was worth it.

But I have watched God bring the days that I prayed for to life. Not only the financial provision and blessings in more ways than one, but progress in each of my careers, seeing how much more He has in store for me and how He’s using me for a greater purpose.

Not everything is all worked out or exactly as I want it to be yet, but I am making my way there as the days become brighter. I'm finding my way again. After a season of loss and heartache, of financial stress and lack of success. In those days I clung to my faith and kept praying, asking God to show me what He had for me in it. And sure enough, with a little bit of patience in the wait, He is bringing me through to better days.

These photos were taken on a day that I spent adventuring and having fun, finishing with the most perfect sunset photoshoot, and I couldn’t believe not only was I getting paid for this, but this is the life I live.

the days that i prayed for.

keep praying. your days will too come. for those who have faith, whatever you ask in His name, you will receive.

♡

and my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.
philippians 4:19

and whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith.
matthew 21:22

therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘what shall we eat?’ or ‘what shall we drink?’ or ‘what shall we wear?’ for the gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all.
matthew 6:31-32

Shop the look

No comments

photos by Brianna Maye Photography | instagram

Some people have looked me in face recently and asked how I'm really doing. I don't know what it is that they can see, but they just nod their head when I say that I'm okay. And it's not that I'm trying to play it off like everything's fine but that I don't really know where to even begin. It's more than a conversation over dinner or facetime. It's real life. And I know it's going to take time. But right about now, I'd just like for something to go right.

I try to keep the complaints inside, but lately they've been heavy on my mind. While it may be too much to say in a short form conversation, I figured the least I could do is try to write it out.

My first relationship failed and while I know it wasn't my fault, a part of me thinks it was me and my inability to talk to strangers or make a lot of money...at least that's what he tells me. The first person I tried to date since didn't end up working out. I left each date feeling embarrassed for talking about things I shouldn't have said out loud and being too honest in areas where I shouldn't have been. I know it's not the truth and hate to even write it out but it really just makes me feel like something's wrong with me that nobody will like enough to keep around. I have less than 100 dollars in my bank account and I'm trying not to freak out but I don't know when it will go back over that amount. I try to hold on to faith that God will provide, because He always does at just the right time, but lately I've been afraid to even tithe. People keep inquiring for my business in photography and then cancelling, and I know it's a part of running your own business but sometimes I wish that someone would just go for it. The first and only response that I've gotten for the new business proposals I sent out turned out to be what I believe to be a fake that almost scammed me and potentially even worse. Nothing seems to be going right lately and it just leaves me feeling like a failure in every area.

So if you've asked or wondered how I'm really doing, those are the things I've been too afraid to say out loud. It's just the honest truth, a look inside my mind. I try to remind myself that times like this that leave me feeling defeated are preparation for better things ahead. I just hope the better comes soon, because it's hard feeling like this. But I'm fighting through and doing the best that I can.

Thinking about it more, it seems like perfect timing to be feeling this way and writing about it. Maybe this is just my Saturday. The day between Good Friday and Easter, when the hard things have happened and now it's just a matter of feeling hopeless in the in between. The waiting for the good to come but not being able to see through this to really know when. But no matter how hopeless things may feel on this Saturday, I know that there is hope that Sunday is coming. It may be as soon as I want, it may not, but despite how long it takes, Sunday always comes. That's the hope I hold on to. That Saturday won't last forever, and things will get better.

♡

Shop the look

No comments

After a week away, tucked in the mountains of North Carolina, I returned home feeling a range of things - most notably refreshed from being able to get away from normal life and the worries that come with it but also ready to jump back in stronger than before. There were good times and there were challenges, but overall it was a much needed trip.

We stayed in Lake Lure, NC, which looked like a hot summer and fall destination as a majority of things were closed for the season. There was a small beach area with ice cream shops around that would be so fun to return to in the summer! But what I was most excited to see were all of the apple orchards that I definitely want to plan a trip back for in the fall. I've never been apple picking, so that is high on the bucket list especially now knowing where to go for that!

Quite a bit of time was spent in Chimney Rock and Hendersonville, NC, as those towns offered different things to do like hiking trails, small shops, and breweries/wineries.

The places we went to are as listed here!

Vineyards:

- Point Lookout Vineyards

- Saint Paul Mountain Vineyards

- Burntshirt Vineyards

- Stone Ashe Vineyards

Breweries/Cideries:

- Bold Rock Cider

- Botanist & Barrel Tasting Bar

- Sierra Nevada Brewery

- Noble Cider

Scenic Locations:

- Point Lookout Vineyards

- Lake Lure Flowering Bridge

- Downtown Asheville

- Chimney Rock Hiking Trails

- Hickory Nut Falls (located in Chimney Rock)

We also drove to the city of Asheville a couple of times, which was one of my favorite parts. It's only about an hour drive from Lake Lure. Some of it was inspired by NYC, which I thought was so cool and made for the best street style aesthetic! From its own flat iron building and streets named after wall street and battery park, to a 'times' building, it had that classic city vibe but with a smaller feel.

Getting back from the trip, I thought I'd be ready for normal life again. But adjusting to being alone after being around people for a week straight was tough. I'm naturally an introvert and normally love my alone time, but when battling emotions, especially since getting used to being with someone else most of the time, waking up and being alone throughout the majority of the day is just hard.

I keep telling myself that with time it'll get easier and I'll feel more like myself again. At least that's what they say. Because it has to, right?

But until then, with each day I'm just doing the best I can. Things are starting to look up, and I feel more hope as time goes on. I'm finding my routine and doing what's best for me as God works through my life in ways that only He can - it's incredible to see His hand in everything so clearly. I know He has big things waiting for me; it's only a matter of time before it all comes to pass. ♡