Yeah, you're probably thinking "another pumpkin patch post?!"....but to be fair I did mention in the last post that I've visited a pumpkin patch twice this month already, so here's the photos from that trip! As you can see, it was a bit dark out by the time I got there. I wasn't too sure how the photos would turn out, but with some editing I actually am quite fond of them, especially that little bit of grain that just spells fall.

Burgundy is probably my all time favorite color to wear during fall, although dark green is recently coming in as a close second. But I will always love anything in the pink family, so burgundy still remains at the top. I find it fun to play with the color scheme of an outfit, matching colors in different ways through accessories and makeup. If you ever throw on a piece of clothing that has a distinct shade, try matching your lipstick to it and watch the magic happen!

We're having our first major cool spell here in Florida, and I am both loving and slightly disliking it. On the one hand, I am always looking forward to cooler weather, mostly because I just love wearing long sleeves and jackets. On the other, I get cold so easily, even just being inside with the air conditioning on.

The season also affects my mood in different ways. If I'm being completely open here, I have fewer good days than bad. Most days I just can't get out of my head. I feel anxious, sad, weighed down, and not really myself. But on the good days, I feel lighthearted, easy to communicate with others, laughable, kind. Even though the bad often outweighs the good, I am all the more thankful for the good days because of this.

Yesterday was a good day. It was like God lifted my burdens and took them as His own. I just felt lighter. But today has been rather heavy. I don't get to choose...or maybe I do.

Writing this, I am coming to the realization in this very moment that what I carry is all up to me. I can choose to hold the weight, the anxiety, the fear of not being good enough...all of it all by myself, just as I have today without even knowing it other than back in my subconscious. Or, I can choose to take that weight, all of the things that have left me feeling defeated, and lay it in God's hands to hold.

I don't know why I tend to try to do it on my own, more so than giving it up to God. It might just be human instinct, or I might just be more stubborn than my own good. It takes a conscious reminder, just as I am doing now, to give it to God otherwise I'll continue to walk around with a veil of despair sheltering me from the outside, keeping me from being a light to others. For how can I be a light, when I feel as though the light inside of me has grown so dim?

Today I choose not to go it alone. Not to bear the weight any longer, but to give it to God to carry. He's much stronger than I am, and He has already given everything He held dear just to take up my burden. So why do I continue to attempt to drag it along with me? Something about it just feels incredibly silly now, thinking of how I have been carrying this with me when He's up there gently nudging me that I don't have to hold onto it any longer. Like in New York, as I carried the heavy bags with me through the city, just wishing that I could let it go and be free to walk without the weight resting upon my shoulders.

It's a new day, a new chance to really be free in my walk with God and set those weights aside. I hope you choose also not to do life on your own today. Here's to a season, although often dark and cold, that brings about the reminder that we don't have to go it alone.