New post comin' at ya! (pretending it hasn't been over a month or so)
I'll start this on a real note - it's 3 am and I am pushing through the sleep deprived foggy brain to get this post published.

If you keep up with me at all, you know I can keep pretty busy and tend to be distant at times, which is usually when I'm overwhelmed/stressed/sad/all of the above.

Y'all, with everything that has been going on, it's taken everything to not feel completely defeated and done with it all. Because I haven't written in a while, I thought I'd do a quick life update for those who'd like to be in the know of just what's been happening lately!

So first off, I started a new job. (I feel like I've said this over and over again just from telling people in person/over social media.) It's similar to what I've been doing, which is personal styling online from home, but it's laid out differently and a lot more to take on, so I've been feeling the weight of it since even the application process.

I wasn't sure if it was going to be the right thing for me, but I trusted that if the doors opened, then God will pull me through and teach something in it to add experience/knowledge/a better job or doorway to somewhere else. I still believe that's true, it's just been more difficult than I had thought.

I've been anxious since putting together my first practice interview lookbook. It's a matter of putting together outfits for clients and trying to figure out their style and what they like without even seeing them face to face. Yeah it may seem at first glance like something anyone could do, but when you really get into the fine detail of it all, it's definitely not. It takes patience, fashion knowledge, a good eye, being able to read people, staying organized and self-managing, even keeping track of time (which I'll admit I've never been very good at - shout out to all my fellow late people).

I'm anxious just trying to get things done in time and staying on top of this as well as the other commitments in my life. It's hard not to let my focus become fixed on one thing like this job and not to let the other things slack off, like this blog and starting my own styling business. But the more I do this job the more I realize and yearn to be able to do my own thing and not have to rely on working under someone else to bring them profit rather than supporting my dreams and goals.

One good thing that has come of it I would say is a thicker skin, though. At first I thought "man, if they don't like my outfits then that must mean I'm not a good stylist." But now working through this with many picky people who don't really even know what they like or want, I know now how to handle it when people say they don't like anything (although definitely still frustrating and can lead to a short rant at times) and understand that it's nothing to do with me or my skill or personal worth. Just that people can be people sometimes and they don't always appreciate or get the effort put into something that's meant to help them. It's alright thought, we do our best and move on.

Speaking of moving on, I'll wrap this up just by concluding that life changes. Whether we like it or not. No matter how hard we try to keep things the same. I thought I had at least another solid year of working with my other job, but then things changed and I couldn't stick with it anymore. So at first I thought oh no I need something that pays more. And while I searched, I started putting together plans to get this blog up and better and starting my own business, and that made my heart flutter with excitement for the change. Then this job opened up, honestly a 'will' choice since I went and found it myself. And I can't help but feel like it's not something I want to be doing for long.

I've just now started to see the good in it, with what it's been teaching me and furthering styling experience/ability. But something I don't wake up looking forward to the day and instead feel anxious about, is something I don't want to hold on to for longer than necessary.

I know that God has a plan in all of this, and He's guiding me through the path that's best. And even if this new job isn't the best or the right thing or long term at all, I can see that He's still working through it and using it for good. I know He wants more than anything to see me wake up in 5 hours, exhilarated and anticipating life and what's to come. Even if it means quitting my job after only a month and going after what He's laid on my heart. I want His will be done. I want to stop living as if I have an endless amount of days ahead of me. I want to take each moment of each day and make it count. I want to be happy and excited for tomorrow. Don't you?